The Evil Queen And Me

I have been a fan of Once Upon A Time ever since the beginning. And I loved Lana Parrilla’s character. I didn't know it at the time but Regina would do more than inspire me. She would help me to change my life for the better. I had PTSD and was struggling so much mentally and finanically. I was having suicidal thoughts and didn't want to get out of bed most days. Even my kids couldn't bring me out of the darkness that had consumed me. The only thing I looked forward to was my hour watching Once Upon A Time. I wouldn't seek help. I hated myself so much. I knew I owed it to my kids to get my head on straight and be a better mother to them. But I couldn't bring myself to do it so I hated myself even more for not being strong enough to do that. Around this time Season 6 of Once Upon A Time was on TV. I remember being curled up on my armchair with a blanket watching Regina fighting with the Evil Queen using magic and swords. I was really getting into the action of it. Then Regina said something that would change my life. "And now I love myself. Which means so should you." I feel like I was punched in the gut. It was like she was talking to me. I cried. I cried for a long time. I let go of all the anger and resentment in my heart for myself and my situation. I realized if Regina could love the Evil Queen and the darkness inside her than I could too. After that night, I went to the doctor and was given antidepressants and sleeping tablets. I bought books on how to better your life. I started spending more quality time with my kids and learning about routines, organizing my life and housework. I still struggle everyday to find the good things in my life. But the thing is now I'm trying. I'm learning to love myself, all the darkness and the scars. I wake up every morning and choose to love instead of hate. I'm growing in confidence. If I ever met Lana, I'd tell her thank you. If it wasn't for that episode I think I'd still be that heartbroken hateful shell of a person. I love myself now because of Lana. I'm proud to be an Evil Regal. And I'm looking forward to seeing where my story goes from here.